MIX - ORIENTATION MARRIAGES Mix- orientation in marriage is
domestic abuse from the perpetrator to the victim who has been on the
unknown/anonymous of the difference in orientation as it could lead to
psychological abuse and emotional deprivation which
leads to depression, anxiety and triggering of Post- traumatic stress
disorder (PTSD) – re-experiencing of events through nightmares &
flashbacks. It is a known fact over years that
there has been a lot of mixed-orientation marriages [My wife's sexuality is tearing us
apart / How I found out my partner was gay], which
has occurred because the perpetrator [one with sexuality
difference-gay/lesbian/bi-sexual] enters the marriage deceptively to the victim
[heterosexual] because 1)
It seemed natural to be married to heterosexual partners' 2) They wanted children and family
life' 3) It’s family moral, religion and
cultural expectancy 4) It’s social expectancy and
concerns over homosexuality/bisexuality 5) The male/female with difference in
sexual orientation[ one/both partners]use marriage [known as Lavender
marriage] with heterosexual partner for purposes of maintaining or
advancing their career, especially a highly public career. After marriage, the victim of the
mixed-orientation marriage will begin to know by observation that they have
entered an unfaithful marriage because the expected conjugal obligations in a
marital agreement begin to diminish or begin to raise an awareness it never
even happened from early stage of marriage which has led to a high probability
of failure between a heterosexual woman/man and the homosexual man/woman, where
the man/woman continues to engage in secret homosexual activity leading to
emotional withdrawal from the marriage, thereby performing an act of
constructive abandonment [wilfully failed to fulfil his/her marital conjugal
rights obligation to their marital partners ]. This sadly now subject
the victim to psychological abuse and emotional
deprivation as every sexual rejection from his wife would have oedipal
implications [psychoanalytic term used to describe a boy’s simultaneous
sense of rivalry as a child with the parent of the same sex] or every
sexual rejection from her husband would have Electra implications [psychoanalytic
term used to describe a girl's sense of competition as a child with her mother
for the affections of her father]; which eventually leads to depression,
anxiety and triggering Post- traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) – re-experiencing
of events through nightmares & flashbacks. Barriers heterosexual wife/husband
victims encounter are 1) Rejection and Sexless marriage
with no love 2) Abuse / Violence from
homo/bi-sexual husband/wife 3) Fear of the unknown 4) Thoughts of suicidal attempt 5) Rage of the perpetrator when
confronted and exposed 6) Fear of encountering social
disapproval of situation when they speak out 7) Ostracism often makes it
difficult for them to seek support from family and friends 8) Problems of isolation, stigma
and loss 9) Cognitive confusion and difference
of opinion 10) Lack of knowledgeable, empathic
support or help in problem solving [Seek help before its too late as
there are so many organisations out there as RAP with empathy
to your situation] The Heterosexual wife/husband of
homosexual man/woman or bi-sexual wo/man who did not know of their husband/wife
sexual orientation may possibly feel deceived or blame themselves for not being
aware or known before marriage which the perpetrator was capable to cover up
with mostly respect for faith / moral of no sex before marriage. The inevitable impact of mixed-
orientation marriages would be marriage-breakdown by the perpetrators [gay,
lesbian and bisexual men/women ]as they would be unable to be faithful to their
heterosexual wife/husband. The reaction of the discovery of
sexuality difference submerged in a marriage would bring the victim grieving
over 1) Anger, which is often
accompanied by fear of losing your love/marriage/family 2) the marriage breakdown 3) Abusive marriage with betrayal of
having been used 4) Betrayal of wasted years and time of
emotions [As a victim, you must grieve these
before you can move on. It’s difficult to emotionally do this alone - you will
need someone discreet and empathetic to help you work through these
feelings......Seek help from organisations as RAP from websites
of ACC/BACP/BAP] RAP emphasise that mixed- orientation
marriages is domestic abuse with human rights violations as 1) Respect for family and right to
private life(including the right to physical and psychological integrity) under
Article 8 of European Convention on Human rights (ECHR) 2) Respect not to be subjected to
torture or to inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment' as Article 3 of
European Convention on Human rights (ECHR |
